Today, March 28th 2010 in the wee hours of the morning, Josh did me the great service of showing me his vox covering 2007-2008, which of course prompted me to read my own from the same time period.
It wasn't that long ago at all, but it feels a lifetime away. Reading it was enlightening and humbling. It reads kind of like a princess Lewis Black eager to show off her awesomeness. Not a flattering picture of myself, but I guess a more or less accurate one. Healthy exercise to go back and check it out.
This entry isn't for anybody out there (who even uses vox any more?) but for the bitter young woman with the potty mouth who wrote the rest of the blog--from a slightly less-bitter though equally potty mouthed young woman hoping to lift her up, as an act of atonement for the rest of the crappy blog. WHOA TIME SHIFT.
It's not that everything was beautiful and nothing hurt, but that everything improved. Most of the plans I set forth in this blog didn't, in fact come to fruition, and from their corpses grow the beautiful flowers of a mixed up metaphor. I mean better things.
I didn't get out to San Marcos later that year, I stayed in Hollister longer than I anticipated or wanted. But instead I wound up at UC Berkeley, a school I never even fantasized about attending because she was a 10 and I'm like a 3 after a few drinks, and I'm living a few blocks from the ocean with my wonderful boyfriend--watching Fraggle Rock in a big comfy bed with him snoring right next to us just at the moment. I gots problems, don't you worry past-Danielle, there's no shortage of neurosis and TRAGEDYOMGZ in your future, but I am a happier person, doing things we never thought we'd really get to do.
When I wrote the most of these entries getting my future nailed down seemed like the most important thing in the world. I got a tiny little tab of it worked out, but the rest is more terrifyingly, liberatingly, awesomely expansive than either of us ever dreamed. I have no idea what it will bring. I am trying to lose less sleep over what it will look like. I am working very, very hard, to enjoy this moment for what it is.
What I'm trying to say, past-Danielle, is good work soldier. Your crazy ass made it through and what you did was valuable. At ease.
I'm going to finish watching this episode of Fraggle Rock and then go to sleep in the arms of my wonderful boyfriend. Then I'm going to wake up, do laundry, clean the kitchen, apply for a fellowship program at school, play some Mass Effect 2 and get ready to tackle the rest of the semester. Next weekend I hope to visit the zoo. Not too shabby.
Fraggle Rock is a fabulous show.
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